Lovely Spam

Jennifer was going through the inbox of her mind and has some keen observations on "Spam."

She brings up a good topic, "does ANYONE actually buy the stuff they sell via SPAM?"

No joke. Who do you know that has ever bought "replacement ink jet cartridges" thanks to a email promising "lowest prices ever?"

Let's stroll through my Hotmail account. Or rather, my former hotmail account. It gets so much spam I had to abandon it last year, but every so often I get a domain renewal notice so I keep it active. So, first off I see I have 99 new messages. Whee! Somebody loves me!

Jennifer and I have done this topic once before, so I guess it is time to revisit what we like to call....

If Spam were true:

• I could "Stop Smoking in only 7 Days!" (if I smoked that is)
• They'd "Reduce you Debt in 15 seconds!"
• Gotta get me a "Pasta Pro - The Better Pasta Pot."
• "this will help ctrtkcc" - Say what?
• "that will help wfakxs" - Que?
• "Viagra, Phentermine, Xenical & many others" - Oh goody, they finally revised the title for "Beyond Jennifer and Jason, Madison and Montana: What to Name Your Baby Now"
• Ah there's the deal I was hoping for: Printer Cartridges - Save up to 80% - No Cost...
• I so wanna "Try our 30-day total body makeover"
• Oh lookie "Free Motorola Phone with Unlimited Weekends" - I'd like 2003 to be just unlimited weekends, no weekdays please.
• Ok who told them I need to be "Be Bigger and Better in Bed"
• I could "Get PAID To Take Surveys Online" - didn't that go away when we got bored with iWon.com?
• "black blue and red" - Is that like "what is black and white and red all over?"
• If there was a way to "Enlarge your Pen1s safely and naturally" don't you think every guy in the world would know it by now?
• I could "Attract Men or Women FAST" - gee, thanks for giving me multiple choice!
• We could all "Own a Dollar Store for less than a dollar"
• Good news: Your date is waiting!
• There may be "CheapTrips Airfares: Lowest Prices Guaranteed" but I'll stick with a travel agent
• And just because there are "New, Lower Mortgage Rates - Act Now and Save!" do I really want to refinance online?
• "I did my research twh" - Gee, did that include learning to use spell check?
• "excisa nerozresim promoguy f-r-e-e" - Is this some sort of Voodoo curse?
• "Enlargement System! Laboratory Tested" - No thanks, my nose is big enough as it is.
• "This is great bcxmhb" - What is? Falling asleep at the keys apparently
• 'Stop all unwanted email" - oooh promises, promises....
• Finally I can "Eliminate Acne: Get beautiful skin fast!" - world hunger is next!
• Notification: Your Computer is Too Slow! - yeah, as soon as I got it out of the box it was outdated *sigh*
• Easy one - "Are you paying too much for Auto Insurance?" Noooo, never!
• I can "Get 12 CDs for the Price of 1" or hmm, 100 CD for $0 thanks to Kazaa
• "We want your Skin!" - ewwwwww
• It said "MEN - you must read this ==>> -jinlxpskdak" I read the subject line and then deleted it. Thanks for nothing.
• There apparently exists "Amazing No Credit Card Sex" - and it is called "A Relationship!" Try one sometime.
• If I "order viagra from home. Vi5wWt-ZXLEKLwVg-4CrN" does it make me type nonsense?
• "comfkrt pdint" - hmm, must have just taken their Viagra
• I can "Get PAID To Be A Human Guinea Pig!" but I thought the CIA was doing that to me already.



and finally...

• Someone knows that "Pleasing ladies is a top priority" with PromoGuy - aww, shucks!

By the way, what is up with subject lines like these: "nezodpovezenou futuramque take control" "breeve FXUYHKLHWL" "socio dvacatym" "patentur uchylek" "uicina nerozresila" "posset ozimejsiho" "latrantaque nesetrily" file this under Mind
Posted by on January 15, 2003 @ January 15, 2003 09:20 AM